RUN AWAY CHILD(God’s grace)
A few years ago, I wanted to run away. To run away from all the hurt and pain I had experienced and because every corner of my house reminded me of sleepless nights of agonizing pain and every street of Kigali led to that hospital I drove to for 6 months going for my chemotherapy session. I just wanted to run away from all that because I thought it was the answer to my healing. What people didn’t know was that as my body healed, my emotional wound grew wide and wide spreading all over my body. The nights I spent crying from pain, I then spent them feeling scared for my future. What was life after a near death experience?
I wanted to run away to another country where everything was new, where I could finally create a new story for myself. I wanted to be in a place where nobody knew my past but this is one of the many discoveries about myself I recently came to understand. The reason to my desire to seek refuge in another space (country) was obvious all along. From that point on every decision I made was out of fear, fear of not filling this void of emptiness in my heart, fear of caring this pain and hurt with me to all the corners of the world, “to my new world”. A year later after multiple failed attempts to move away, I receive Jesus in my life and everything just took a 360 in my life.
Amidst all the chaos, I learned a big lesson that no man nor place on this earth could ever heal a wounded heart nor fill an empty void. Neither man nor place could ever change one’s story but only in Christ we find refuge and a new beginning, my void to seek refuge was filled with the hunger to seek God more and my heart still burns with that desire. See, you can seek refuge in the world but that shelter last hours if not minutes, you will feel a sense of peace but that will only be temporary. But only in Christ we can experience an eternal sense of peace. Christ healed my wounds and made me brave by giving me strength to tell of his goodness boldly. Today I use my pain that I wanted to run away from to restore hope and bring people to God. It’s funny how when you encourage people some how you feel encouraged too. I accept that my story is God vessel to touch his people and I am grateful I was chosen by God to be used today. I understand why gold has to first pass through fire to shine. I have embraced that God had to let me go through pain and suffering so that I become who I am today. Imagine if I could have actually moved away and lived an ordinary life away from God’s destiny for me, I promise you I wouldn’t be as happy as I am today. Nukuri, I look back and I can sense the misery I would be living in. Please listen and accept God’s plan for you, it’s beautiful. Because I surrendered to God, which was and still is my biggest challenge (So, pray for me shaJ) I now try to live my life according to his will and not mine, even though I sometimes fail God with my human stubbornness of disobedience (Higiness) I know I have received forgiving grace and that God’s will is ten times if not a hundred times better than mine. Brethren, allow him to use you, I promise you, it’s hard at first but it’s worth the try.
As humans, we want the mediocre lifestyle with all the shinny things in life but that’s not God’s plan for us. God wants us to live a great and fulfilling life that gives him honor and praise. To God be the glory, great things he has done for me